i’m too lazy

once again i am procrastinating. this time on going to sleep. i’m too lazy to get up from this chair. i’m too lazy to head to the washroom and brush my teeth. i’m too lazy to get new toilet paper to use the loo. i’m too lazy to take my makeup off and wash my face. i’m too lazy to turn off the lights to head to bed. i have serious issues.

mini veggie blog #1

so far so good, except for the fact that whenever i check the fridge for munchies there is always meat in there. no i am not wanting it as i see them, there just isnt anything nonmeat that is edible. i guess i have to go grocery shopping.

Uh oh…

so much for seeing how long i can go veg for. i lasted a day and a half, funny cause the whole time i never craved meat at all. i totally failed today at lunch, i wanted some pasta from the caf, so i pointed at the yummy looking ones to the caf lady. she started filling the little cup with the pasta, that’s when i noted there was little pieces of beef on it. obviously i can’t say i dont want it anymore, so me being the nice person accepted the pasta, and finished it at lunch. omg! i’m so stupid. then i ate a ham and swiss sandwich for supper at the hospital and when i got home my brother fed me meat balls! those dick heads! they fed it to me and then started dancing around saying i ate meat! i’m so mad. but i also found out that my mom is all for me ‘trying’ to go veg. wel if i last of course. so i’m going to try again, though this time i’m not going to set my self a death sentense goal. i’m just going to try to adjust to it slowly and just try not thinking about meat. it’s not that hard, i just have to remember. hmmm. i think i should post daily on my journey to vegetarianism. and i have to promise not to go around expressing my idea cause they’ll prob say i can’t do it and judge me on it. so shhhh. keep it on the downlow okay?

i’m really confused. you know the boy i talked about earlier in the blogs with the eraser? well things are going good. and i’m sure that we’re going to the movies this friday, which is good. but something doesnt feel right. there’s a feeling of doubt. maybe not in him, but in me. i’m afraid that something would come out of this. like i mentioned before how i’m afraid of relationships, and that i really don’t want one at the moment, in highschool anyways, i just don’t think that i’m fully into him enough that i would want a relationship with him. dezyrée if you are reading this. shush. i like him, but i don’t have the same lighten up feel as before… uh oh. maybe it’s that i know that he might have a thing for me that i see no challenge anymore? i read that in seventeen once. i’m not sure if that’s my problem. or that i don’t want to dig my self a whole by leading him on, knowing that anything more would not be a good idea. this ‘liking’ thing is complicated. i think i liked it better when i didn’t like anyone. so much easier and less things to think about. i don’t know what i’m going to do. i guess i’ll just see what happens.

i think this is another self discovery moment, learning more about myself. i really like those 🙂

Orgasm in a box & temptation & homo.

scott herman from real world : brooklyn

orgasm in a box. literally. please fuck me now please! i’m not trying to advertise for mtv, but dang do they cast the hottest people. i spent the past half hour looking up this hottie. i swear i’m going to talk about more stuff than this hottie. but man does he have the hottest abs ever. and the smile. it’s to die for. omg!!! and hes such a sweatheart on the show. wow. okay. i’ll stop now. on to what i was here to blog about it.

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it has recently come to my attention that i find an amuzement in seeing/watching high people . maybe its just that they laugh at anything, which makes me laugh myself. or i just find it fascinating observing their behavioour. i know i’m curious. i myself have never done weed or any type of drug before, because i want to be able to say when i’m older that im one of the few that has never done drugs before. but now i’m curious in how doing weed actually feels like. the whole experience is fascinating. i honestly feel like such a bad person for thinking this, i guess i’m just afraid of being judged by my friends. i want to experience what it’s like to get high, what it’s like to ‘smoke’ it in. maybe it’s because i like the feeling of being intoxicated and maybe going a little farther than what i’ve already tried. well i’ve only drank. but obviously, there is always the chance of ‘liking’ it and getting addicted. i think good is over powering the bad. i’m don’t want to suffer the consequenses of my actions.

i’m just afraid that i would try it one day, something bad happens. the fear is overwelming 😦

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it really bugs me when people use gay as a negative term. like when something is stupid they would be like ‘ew that’s gay’ why do people use it like that? i guess it’s just that people have used the word all their

life not even thinking about the offensive meaning that it may have.  it’s such a commonly used word now a days, that people dont think it has a real meaning to it. the same with when calling someone a ‘fag’ or a ‘queer’ there isnt much i can say on this topic other than my personal thought on it.  i have been trying really hard to not use that term in anegative sense ever since i have came across this issue. it may be a small thing, but it adds up. i don’t think homosexuality should be seen as a sinful, unright thing in the society. its a personal choice of lifestyle and other’s should not have a say in it. we’re in the 21st century and its just wrong that it is being frowned upon. rant. over. night. dang i still have to straighten my hair. ugh. and i have a math test tomorrow first thing in the morning and it doesnt help cause i still think my math teacher still dislikes me.  night.

soymilk and boys.

hot hot hot

yes i said i would be going to bed. i’m a bad girl. but i just feel like i should share something.

i think clay adler from newport harbour is a hottie and that soymilk in my opinion is wayyyyy better then regular milk. oh yeah. and i’m going to see how long i can go veg for before i a) give into my craving for chicken or b) my parents try to shove meat down my throat. my bet 2 days. hehe.

great now i need to fill all this room. um what can i put. window vista is pissing me off, it is so different from winder xp. maybe i’m just technically handicapped. but what ever i’ll get it sooner or later. and oh my goodness! skins series 3 is starting on the 22nd this month. before i thought it was on the 19th last month but it turns out thats when they are introducing the new characters with the new trailers and promos. what a noob. i cannot wait! and i have been imformed that i make tons and tons of spelling mistakes, so in the future i should read over my blog before publishing them. night dezyrée 🙂

ps. since im talking about dez and fantasies. i think i should also share the fact that i have countless recurring fantasies of dezyrée.

Changes aren’t always bad

I’m really digging this new theme. its neutral and simple, and the penguins are uber cute.

gotta give credit for the cute penguins tho, so here it is :

http://smashmethod.deviantart.com/art/Maybe-It-s-Over-To-The-Left-5743103

I should be off to bed now, i was planning on doing some math homework before sleep. but it seems that its too late for it now. nighty night!

ps. sometimes it just feels like im blogging as if the computer can actually read this, but not alot of people actually end up reading this. that makes no sense at all. the tireness is getting to me.

Relationships.

i was just looking at my blog. and i noticed my calender.

five consecutive days of blogging 🙂 that makes me happy.

just feel i should share my excitement. though my cheery mood may be the cause of a lack of sleep.

i’m totally digging a new song. eros by late night alumni. it is so nice, it just makes me want to leave this planet and go to my own. so peaceful and lovely! i am so getting this cd! once i get my new credit card from my mother, then i’m heading off to amazon yay! omg! its just so good!if you havent heard late night alumni yet. check it out.

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wow. i feel i should blog what has been on my mind for a while now. i am currently single right now. i’m completely content, though i won’t mind changing my status. i have had a couple of crush and ‘liking’s in the past few years during my time in highschool. well 3 to be exact. i kind of had a thing with this junior when i was in grade nine, but it felt like he was seeing me as an object and nothing else. showering me with comments and compliments. not always pg 13. that never worked out. and then i developed strong feelings for this boy last year at the end of  grade nine which last till half way through grade ten. there might have been something at first but i guess he didnt return the feelings later, so i eventually moved on. not without hard work that is. after about over half a year not needing to lust over or think about a guy. i was hit with cupids arrow again. this time things are going great. we talk alot and hung out and such. and everyone seems to think that something might come out of this. i also think so too.

now back to the general topic of what i’m talking to. i would love if something does eventually happen, but at the same time im worried that it will. the big thing is that i’m not sure that i am mentally and emotionally ready to be in a relationship. i’m somewhat afraid of change i guess. the responsibility of trying to keep up a relationship and hiding it from my parents. yes i’m not aloud to date. there’s also the fact that i would have to sneak around them and lie to them about what i’m doing. as if i can go out on a regular basis, how am i suppose to be able to spend time with him with my overly strict parents. like i mentioned before in yesterday’s blog. there is so much stress on my half i guess.

i think unless you are in this situation you wont understand how i’m feeling. before i thought i wouldnt mind being in a relationship. having someone that likes me as much as i like them, someone to cuddle with and is able to give me protection by just putting his arms around me. things arent black and white like that. there is always a catch. maybe i’m just not ready for a relationship at the moment, or more precisely, i’m afraid to be in a relationship. but i guess i would never know until it happens. but what if it does happen? and it doesnt work out? maybe because of me not being able to spend enough time with him ending the relationship or more simply, the relationship just ends. i’m honestly afraid of that. any end of anything is terrifying for me.i don’t think i would be able to handle it with ease. maybe i should just wait until after highschool when i’m on my own to start thinking of relationships. that way parents would be able to control my status, i wont have to hide anything from them AND i would have control over how i spend my time. now.

what am i going to say to him? i’m sure he has some feelings for me, should i just tell him that i’m not ready to get into a relationship even though i really want to and explain to him my difficult status with my parents and hope he understands and suggest him to move on and forget about me? of course that would be hard, eventually seeing him with another girl, treating her the same way he treated me. only this time she’s not gonna be in the same situation i was in. i guess that would be easier, that way things wont get difficult.

Dreams.

i had a dream last night.

i had had plastic surgery in my dream. breast augmentation. i thought it was real too. i was somewhat confused in my dream, but i didnt think about too much. i didnt question when or why i had it done. all i know was i was kinda liking my new assets. but i dont think i was digging the scars. then i woke up 😦 maybe this dream was a result from my looking up information about boob jobs yesterday. hehe

what i never got was how people deal with having ‘pamela anderson’ boobs. they are the size of her head. literally. i guess its a personal choice and preference. but i would imagine that they get major back problems. hmmm. i wonder if you shake your breasts with enough ‘silicon’ that you can here it… haha!

New years brings resolutions.

orange’s new years resolution

i know that its over a week into the new year, but i guess it’s better late than never. i’ve never made a new years resolution before. well i might have but it was probably not exactly realistic. so here goes nothing.

one : do better in school. i believe i’m already doing alright in school. i just feel like i can do better. if i try a little harder than i already am my average can go up the little bit. and percent counts you know. i can’t really do anything now because my semester is over in two weeks. so all i can do is get ready for next semester. i really need to step up my game, these are the marks that count. dang there’s a possibility that university would look at my grade eleven marks. yikes. and of course since i’m going to start grade twelve in ’09 i should say that i better do good during my senior year also. i need to create a better study habit for tests and exams. i do alright in them, i just dont always study effectively so it sometimes screws me over. i think i can. i think i can.

two : practice piano regularily. i am in grade nine piano. and my pieces are getting mega hard. like seriously. and i’m expected to compete in the kiwanis music festival this year. in the three years i’ve competed. i’ve gotten two scholarships. i just really i hope i would be able to pull the pieces together. my piano teacher has been frustrated with me with my progress. i dont really practice you see. i rather spend my time at home watching teevee or doing stuff like this. its just a pain. i enjoy playing the piano, i just dont like the part where i’m learning the piece. that is not fun. the feeling of not knowing. i told myself i would practice today after i got home from school. nope never happened. the computer took over my night. very upsetting.

three : eat healthier, and get to a desirerably weight. i’m not the healthiest person around. i’m the type that would rather binge on junk food than to eat full meals. or starve myself instead of using my money to buy a decent lunch. my body has somewhat gotten used to it. i do eat stuff. its just that either i dont eat, or i eat on a HUGE meal. and at lunch when i dont have a lunch i mooch off other people’s lunches. a bit or two from different people 🙂 it’s acutally really appetizing, lots of variety too. i also want to start excersizing to get toned. i dont think that would be too hard seeing as rugby is starting soon. and me and my friend is planning on heading to the gym after exams are over. i’m so excited i just love the feeling of when its after the workouts. where you’re all sweaty and out of breath. amazing feeling. but i always work out for a few days pushing myself and feeling great but then i would dread to do the work out again the next day. thats where i stop. its a bad habit thats why i hope rugby would help me be more discipline cause there’s a couch and everything telling you what to do.

Strict, strict, strict.

i ate a grape … and i jizzed in my pants.

yeh boi. asian parents are unnessecarily overly strict AND unreasonable. they dont understand the the concept of the need to go out once in a while. i personally dont go out that much, due to the situation with my parents. i dont mind. but it peeves me off when my parents don’t let me go out due to some unreasonable, rediculous excuse.

1. ‘oh its too late’
2. ‘a young lady like you should’ve be out this much’
3. ‘i don’t know who you going to be out with, ive never met this friend.’

1. geezus you think its late once the sunsets. so it’s basically bullshit by saying that. i understand that you not wanting me out when its pass midnight, but i don’t understand what the problem is when its only around 7 or 8?
2. like i said before i dont go out that much. my parents are the type that would be totally content with me being a total zombie that stays in the house that only do their homework and such. but of course i dont spend my precious time at home doing that. i usually spend hours doing pointless junk like watching tv and surfing the net. hmmm maybe thats why my eye sights got so bad?
3. mother dearest, knowing the fact that you are never fond of my friends unless they are asian also and get brilliant good marks. no wonder i never introduce you to my friends. and its pretty sad that you only think that i only have two friends. and always questioning where they are or why im not hanging out with them when i chill with other people.

i think the asian parent moto is to keep your kids locked up in the house till they leave for college/university. not giving them any freedom what so ever while they are in their adolescent years, but backfires when they are on their own and fuck up because they dont have anyprevious experience in the little things. thats it i swear.

i for one cannot wait until i leave this shit hole. its not fun. spending friday nights home doing nothing but stuff like this. oh what thrill. i just can’t wait till i move out. it would be leaving this dungeon once and for all.

but if you are asian and is gifted with chillen parents, then seriously i envy you with all my might. i have spent countless hours crying over not being able to go to certain things. of course not so much now since i’m kind of used to the rejection of freedom. it’s gotten better, well not really. but one and a half more years of this night mare. halleluja!

Discomfort of dry hands.

finally got the computer back. and also had to spend 80 dollars on some computer protection software. thank goodness mother was there to pay for the exspenses. at the moment i’m downloading all the programs i lost. so why not blog?

i honestly cannot stand the feeling of dry hands. i’m personally not one to take too much thought and care into stuff like face cream, moisturizers and stuff like that. but the feeling of cracky dry hands peave me off. i wish i was able to carry a little lotion bottle with me every where i go, but i’m not the type to carry a purse with me everywhere. so my last resort when it comes to dry hands and no lotion is to wet my hands and get the instant and short term satisfaction of ‘non- dry’ hands. but of course my skin absorbs the moisture and gets worst than it alreayd was before i even wetted it. if only i carry a book bag or a purse. if only i can bring my lotion with me 24/7. if only dry hands don’t bother me.

it seems that this anti virus program is going to take a while. its not even half way dont yet.

the sound of people talking and having fun got me to head up stairs to see what’s going on. turns out my mother was making sushi. basically my favourite food. so i ran towards her. my stupid brothers decides to stop and play body guard. those idiots. they try to fight me off. hitting me and such. so i hit my brothers face and knocked off his glasses. now the little nose nobs are crooked. personally i dont really think it was my fault, i acted on natural instincts of defending myself. he basically brought it upon himself.

random babbling as you can see. i hope i haven’t bored you.

thought. what is up with people thinking that the world is going to end in 2012? its kind of a bullshit thing to think or say. there has been so many ‘theories’ on how the earth is going to end. what a coincidense that they will all happen the same time. come on people. let’s be realistic here. people have been saying that the world is going to end throughout the history of human existance. take Y2K for example. it never happened. you may say that i’m just a stubborn teen that doesnt mean that i’m wrong. one would never know that its the end of the world till it happens. so until it happens, i’m not believing shit.

i’m done. now i gotta restart my computer because my internet isnt working very well.