I love life.

My mother went out today to and brought home some nutella. She is my saviour!

Though It is the tiniest nutella jar I have ever seen in my life, minus the little toast serving sizes from europe.

It’s times like this that gives me new hope in life.

Oh and there’s rugby practice tomorrow night. Great.

Pressure’s off.

Hi I’m Orange and I’m a Flexitarian.

i ate meat on my trip, only because they were the majority of the meals that we got. And since i’m not the biggest fan of meat, yet there’s the occasional temptations (jerk chicken, christmas turkey) ps. you know how hard it would be to make the turkey and not be able to eat it. why would i want to shut myself from something that is all around me permenantly. it’s not like i choose my diet for the animals, its more like a health thing i guess. so pressures off, no more guilt when i crave or eat the occasional meat. I am a Flexitarian.

ps. i saw the post of mitch hewer below and it made me smile. the way i smile when i see him as my wallpaper on my phone first thing this morning when turning off the alarm. He is my sunshine.

Sheltered.

being brought up the way i am, i have an attitude to avoid the initiriative to make plans with people or to even try to get to know people better. once again, it’s a antisocial thing. i grew up in a household where going out is a somewhat frowned upon thing, where we have to earn the privalege to go out. back then, before my parents understood the essentials of going out (well maybe not essential) the only time i’m aloud out is if it is for a good reason like homework. even when in the event of it happening once in a blue moon, they hawk over me and must know everything that went on with a strict curfew. 1-2 hour outtings were never fun, i was always to rushed in time. i remember back in elementary school people in my class would come to my house and ask if i can go out, i would ask my mom and she would say no, even though i completed all my homework and i’m just slugging around the house. my friends eventually caught on and began coming to my house less and less knowing what would happen. i don’t understand why some parents are so sheltered towards their children. my mom is always complaining why i’m always on the computer and watching tv, and why my vision gets worse and worse every year. i so want to say that it’s because that’s all i can do seeing as i’m not going to do what they expect me to do to read my text books, study for upcoming tests that are still unknown. they tried to occupy my time by giving me math problems and reciting the times table. i swear it’s an asian thing. well back to the point of this blog. yes my parents has loosen their grasp on me, but even with the bit of freedom they have given me, i don’t use it enough to my advantage. i’m personally not the type to make plans with people. i try but it’s just not something i do. i always feel desperateness when asking people to hang out (that are not my norm/close friends) hense the reason i hang out with the same old. not saying that it is a bad, though i do want to get out there and be able to make new friends and hang out with different people. i shelter myself towards to world because the way i was brought up, i guess my parents accomplished their job.

Fear.

I’m scared.

i’m scared that i would not have the marks i need to get into a univeristy. i’m scared that i will not be able to get the job that i want. i’m scared that i will have anyone there for me when i step into the real world. i’m scared that i will lose contact with my friends on the way. i’m scared that i will not find someone to love. i’m scared that i will not find someone to love. i’m scared that i will not be good enough. i’m scared that i will not be able physically to have children in the future. i’m scared that i my marriage will come to a sudden stop. i’m scared to eventually say good bye to someone close to me. i’m scared that something will go horribly wrong in my life. i’m scared that i will not live my dreams.

i’m scared of what lays ahead.

Post trip depression.

I’m back. i basically had the best time of me life there. best way to sum it up is i guess by doing a day-to-day summary.

m

muchen, germany

day one: plane to munich. the plane was at 9pm. got to munich at 9am local time (4am canada time) then we had the whole day ahead. major baggies under the eyes but i sucked it up. i came out of the airport and i see a line of mercedes benz cabs. i have never seen so many bmw and benz cars in my life, they were litterally everywhere! all our guide would talk about is beer and cars. it was kinda hilarious at first but then it got annoying. BEAUTIFUL CITY. i loved everything about it. though the weather was hilarious! totally bipolar. rained one minute, then the sun dries up all the rain, then it starts to snow, sun comes out again, then it hails like a mother fucker. day number one is also day that i discovered the statue men. they would be covered with make up and have the costumes and everything and stand there like statues. the unexpecting victim would come up and stand by the ‘statue’ and ‘he’ would move and scare the shit out of people. hahah hilarious. those mime dudes are totally the love of my life’s. haha and then early bed time. oh yeah and the boys. dark and handsome what? they were beautiful and they went around in packs. never seen so many beautiful boys in my life. and it was only the beginning.

day two: went around the city again, but with more detail visits. church visits and more shopping time. i wanted to go out that night, but my friends ‘didn’t feel like it’ i understand that night one was a nono because everyone was jet legged but we are in the munich, we are in germany, we are in europe. why wouldnt someone want to take in as much as they can of the beautiful city? i was actually so upset that night. they were complaining that we would get lost, but me being the direction cordinated one was all for going. and they were the fuckers that were talking with me about going out. chickens. oh well more nights to come.

day three: around munchen again, but we got a differnt tour lady today, she didnt talk about beer 24/7. she was actually really nice. nothing too special on this day. hehe. and once again didnt go out again because no one wanted to go out with me. sons of bitches.

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salzburg, germany

day four: starts the day with a two hour ride to austria. we went by the mountains and they were amazing, personally i think there were beautiful and magical looking, but i dont have any previous mountains to compare to so what ever i guess. then i discovered the washrooms that charge you euros to use. those washrooms were amazing, they were the ones that clean themselves. more to come for me tho. we finally arrived at salzburg. birthplace of mozart! it was such a cute little city, it again was beautiful the architecture was lovely and the little shopping street i was at made me feel like im in those little story books. went to some really nice church then roamed around for abit. then saw the beautiful boy ever, once again dark features. finally left salzburg and headed back to münchen. my friend promised me that morning that we would go out that night, it was the last night in münchen so she was stuck with me. we headed to the big shopping area to look around at the amazing night life. friday night and the teens were out. we finally got the guts to finally saying ‘hallo!’ to cute boys walking by. felt good.

dacau

dacau

day five: last day in münchen and we start our day off with going to dacau, one of the first concentration camps built by münchen. it felt weird being there, yes i was upset that there were stuff that happened there, but i wasnt at the point of feelign enough sorrow to start crying. i paid attention while we were going through the buildings, but then another group walked through and my attention immediately went to the boys. trip ended with seeing a very gorgeous boy with the nicest eyes ever. we shared a moment, well partly because we were in each other’s way. but me and my friend was totally eye fucking him. HARD. after dacau we went to Neuschwanstein, it was seriously a fairy tale castle, but the walk up the mountain the the castle itselt was a pain in the ass. lets just say there were horse shit everywhere. before our tour, we had some intense observations with the tourist around us, we saw a couple stand there posing all the time, i even had to look around to see where the camera was. then we saw a little girl in pink devouring her ice cream and the faces she would make. hilarious. we awesome saw this boy that wore some purple sweats and would be super tight on her bum. there was something about his butt that looked like he stuffed them. hahah! later that night we finally got back to the hotel and brought our stuff to the train station. we were there for two hours waiting for our train and decided to chill at the burger king. honestly this was where everyone was at. and the fact that everyone was drunk and high made it even better. everyone was just wondering why we didnt chill at the train station more often, it was the place to be if you were cool. oh and the sleep train to paris was a bitch. tiniest bed of life but when i finally got to the sleep, i slept like a baby till the morning.

Day six: finally got to paris. got a city tour, and i must say there alot less guys around.

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eiffel tower

Day seven: we headed to notre dame today first thing, and creeped on a really attractive boy in green. then turns out he had a girl friend :( oh well. hahah! and eiffle tower today.it was so pretty up there, it was like a dream. the view was amazing. i then filmed my friend going up to a stranger and saying that she has the eiffle tower in her pants in french, hilarious. after that we went on a cruise on the seyan. it was a long day because we basically walked everywhere today. it was good times.

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juno beach

Day eight: St. patricks day. had a four hour drive to normandie and then went to juno beach. it was the most beautiful beach ive ever seen and knowing the history behind made it almost magical. i stood there for the longest taking in the beauty of the water and then i took off my shoes and socks and walked along the shore. felt so good. then we visited a canadian memorial place for the canadian soldiers. they were so young and what it said on the tombstones made me so emotional. then we went to the medival town of bayeau. pretty city. loved it! went the a bar that night, and was thrilled that we got served, got dirt looks from people i think cause it was definetly a school night.

Day nine: went to le louvre today, that place my friend was full of everything! the paintings were humungo and its just crazy thinking that people took years to complete a painting. after the louvre wel headed straight to versaille. beautiful palace and the backyard garden went on forever! we took some scandalase pictures this day, it was hilarious. and i awesome eye fucked with a really really really hot guy at the train station. i am definetly marrying a european guy when i’m older. after taking the subway back to the hotel after supper, me and a couple of people went out to the variety store to get some booze for a ‘after curfew’ party in a friends hotel room. the journey out of our room 10 mins after room check was epic. we were so paranoid but when we got there, the guys already finished half of the drinks they had. there were a total of about 30 heinekins in the sink soaking in cold water, and there were 10 more drinks the the bath tub including my 3 smirnoff ices. we watched some german ‘teen’ cartoon where there were super heros and they all either had a buldge down there for the guys, or a camel toe for the ladies. after i pointed that out we laughed for a couple of mins. party ended when one the guys puked, so me and my roomie went back down stairs and that was when i had my ‘drunk confession’ and cried about how much im going to miss europe and how canada sucks and my plans in the future of converting to being european. all and all a great way to end the trip.

Day ten: plane home early in the morning

i have never enjoyed life so much in my life. it was a total escape from reality where i didnt have to think about school, my brothers, my piano, or anything else. i cut myself from the social world, except i emailed my best friend once or twice. i am not a emotional person, like i dont cry over alot of stuff, like sometimes i was sappy romance flicks just to force myself to cry. but on this trip alone i got so emotional and sad every time i had to leave a place or thought about it. the way to the sleeper train, i was tearing up. shhh. at the beach at normandie watching the beautiful horizon and listening to the waves made me tear up. the beauty the reality that i would have to leave. and i bawled on my last night with the help of alcohol. the morning before i left, i teared up thinking that i’m leaving. i have never been so connected to a place before, ive visited a number of places but never got the feeling. i enjoyed being in a country where i can be and do what ever i want. its so care free, i just want to learn german and clean up my french to be able to go there again. everyone was so friendly and it makes me feel how where i’m from is nothing compared to this place. now i’m back, and reality is thrown at me again, responsibility, stress, pressure is all here. i guess that is life. i better work hard now to get my dream of being in europe int he future.

let’s just say i’m going through post trip depression. i’m so upset :(

fantasie #1. i mentioned this already in the last blog. getting swept away by a german/french hottie and get raped by them.

fantasie #2. this started out as a ‘plan’ but i never actually carried out with it. on the last night of the france, i would pack my stuff and check out during the night after room check. i would go back to the address of the restaurant i was at the night before because i cut the address off the paper towel. then i would find a nice decent box to stay at. later i would call my mom and tell her not to worry about me, and that she shouldnt come find me i will find her, and to send over my school transcript so i can enroll myself at the ecole garcon that i saw the other day. they i would become a full pledge frenchie and get a good enough mark to get into those free universities.

fantasie #3. i will escape like my last fantasie but this one is a long term plan/fantasie. i would live ten years in france and perfect my french then after that i would move next door and live in germany for ten years. and after knowing the basic german. i would fly over to england and live there for the rest of my life there. by then i would be quadlingual. how amazing would that be?

Fuck my life.

leaving for my trip tomorrow, excited as hell.
physics test tomorrow, stressed as hell.
Business report due tomorrow, busy as hell.

omg! and as im suppose to be doing those things i am here blogging about my not so important life.
damnit! and i also promised my penpals that i would mail them before i leave for the trip, guess that’s not going to happen.
i’m a bad person. well i guess i can’t be bad when i took in a intoxicated friend into my house this weekend.
oh which i should’ve been at the party that she got kicked out of at. data management took over my weekend, omg! SCHOOL IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE!
eff my life. please.
atleast all my worries would be over at exactly 5 tomorrow.
where i take my bus to the airport.
hellz yeah.

lets just say tomorrow is a bittersweet day.
cant waittt!!!! wait… i can wait.

y’see what i mean?
i’m guessing this is last blog for the next 10 days?
i’ll see if i can blog about my amazing journey if i get access to internet when i’m over seas.

and again, im just fantasizing of wandering off and getting raped by the hot french stranger.
wait… it won’t really be rape if its voluntary would it. hahahahah! what a horn dog eh?
but i promise i’m not. i’m actually quite good.

taaaaaa! gonna miss you blogageeee!
xxoo

Pre-trip jitters.

They have arrived ladies and gents.

I am finally excited for my trip that is in what? SEVEN DAYS. a week from now, i would be on the plane on my way to Munich. well by that point i would probably be sleeping, haha! i have nothing better to post except for my ‘to bring’ list.

What to bring

  • 10+ panties there may be accidents
  • bras
  • jeans
  • tanks
  • sweater
  • SOCKS
  • contacts
  • contact cleaners
  • camera
  • charger
  • facewash
  • face cream
  • eye cream
  • book
  • playing cards
  • PASSPORT
  • straightener
  • blowdryer
  • special outlets
  • razor cut cut cut
  • lotion
  • make up
  • make up remover
  • toothbrush
  • toothpaste
  • floss
  • deodorant
  • sunglasses
  • scarf
  • gloves
  • ziplock bags
  • condoms haha you’ll never know.
  • tampons
  • bag for ‘dirty stuff’
  • tweezers

those are all that i can think of at the moment. i probably forgot something essential, let’s just hope i would remember it by then.

note to self : legal purchase AND drinking age in both france and germany are sixteen. I’m sixteen.

another thing i’m excited for, before break/trip dinner this friday. i haven’t had a decent nice meal for days seeing as i’m been sick for past five days and all i ate was basically congee. well i did sneak some stuff i wasn’t suppose to eat (junk, fried stuff) maybe that’s why i’m still sick. shameee.

note: condoms was a joke.