Resurfacing uncertainty.

You liked someone once, over time the feelings lessen. But there is no way that all the feelings can be fully diminished. There are always the chance for them to come back.

One cannot control feelings. You can try to dismiss them but they will always be there trying to wiggle to the top to expose themselves.

There has always been a feeling of uncertainty with this person. He was the only boy I liked A LOT, two years ago, but after I realized that nothing can ever happen. I just left it alone. It’s been two years, and we’re friends. I like hanging out with him. He’s funny, facetious and is a great companion. We hung out a few extra times this summer. I never thought there was anything extra about napping together (More like attempting to nap) I thought friends do that. I know I do that with one of my best friends.. But then when it came to the time where he made a move on me, and we kissed. I was really confused. After it happened, I got butterflies and we both had smiles on our faces. Was this a thing where teenage hormones reacted as two people of the opposite sex lying in bed will lead to? Or was there feelings involved? I later asked him if it was him and my friend instead being alone would that have happened. He said no.

I’m trying not to think too much of this. I’ve kissed other boys before, but this one is different. I want to figure it out, but I’m scared if what might happen. Are my feelings for him resurfacing?

Chapters.

So since the last time I posted, I have accepted an offer to my number two university for an alternative program. This was definitely not what I thought was going to happen. But we should take every opportunity we get and be optimistic about it right? I am going to get an education this year, I will be able to experience the university life, I will be able to learn things inside and out side of school that will aide me in my reapplication for next year.

There isn’t much I can say about this. Of course it would have been lovely to have gotten into the university of choice, but everything happens for a reason. This is just a minor speed bump in my journey of life.

I’m heading off the somewhere new this fall. Six hours away, limiting the time I can see my family and local friends. Not only am I leaving my current location that I have lived in for the past 9 years, I’m entering adulthood. A place of independence. I want to know how I take this change of environment, I want to know if I am a strong enough person to handle living by myself and being responsible for my own actions and thoughts. This was no surprise from day one, that I will have to take this large step forward. It just chills me to think that this will happen in less than a month.

I’m scared, yet I’m excited. There are so much mixed emotions, mostly good. I know I will being feeling more as time comes closer to when I will have to leave everyone. It sounds like I’m leaving forever and never coming back, but I am leaving. I’m leaving the previous chapter of my life. I will not be looking back, only forward, It’s time to make new memories.