Lonely

I would never guess that I would feel the way I felt a month ago. I’ve always longed for independence, to live on my own and take on the world. Do what I want to do, and just start over new. I don’t want to admit it, but I’m lonely.

I’m not sure if this is the same thing as feeling homesick. Maybe it is, missing the companion that I’ve always had be it good or bad. I miss always have my friends there to talk to, or be annoyed over my brothers. (Yes, I said it, you know it’s bad when…) There’s just no permanent companion here where I am that I can just go to. I’ve met lots of people, but I’m just meeting them. I’ve been a floater for the past 3 weeks, hanging out with different people. Basically, playing the field for friends. None has really stuck. Was it this hard when I found my friends from home?

I feel that it’s harder for me since I live off residence and all. When you live on residence, you automatically have someone there, your roomate. Even if you don’t like them, there are still 30 other kids on your floor that you can develope a friendship with. I always try to look on the bright side, that I’ll have less of a distraction living away from all the people, but deep inside, I wish I were there. It’s so much easier.

Maybe I’m trying too hard. I’m putting too much standards I want from people. Does one choose friend? Or does it just happen? I really want someone that I can share the same bond that I shared with my friends back home. I want to be able to call them to just talk about the day. I want to be able to talk to someone about everything, and not have them judge me.

This also brings me to the next thing I’ve been longing for. I’m 18, and I think its about time I find a special someone. No, I’m not looking for a life long husband. I just want to know what it feels like. To have someone the think about, and someone who thinks about me. I’m told that my standards are too high. Sorry that I don’t find that person attractive. All the above average guys always look at the pretty white girls, what am I suppose to do? I really want someone that would hold me through the thick and thin. What made my write about this specific topic? I was listening to ‘Just the way you are – Bruno Mars’ and that just really touched my heart. Maybe I’m just plain sappy, but the song tugged at my heart strings and just kinda watered up my eye. Quite embarrassing actually. I want some guy to see all that in me.

Maybe I’m just sad that for the past few days I’ve been by myself. It’s only the 3rd week into school. I can’t be expecting too much right? Hopefully things lighten up soon.