Still single.

I always seem to come back here when I’m upset or sad. I just need a place to express my feelings, without being repetitive with my room mates and friends. Sometimes I feel embarrassed at what I feel sad about, and I feel that the people around me would think less of me. That’s why I’m here.

Tonight, I had one of those nights where it just ended with me feeling upset for no reason. I start tearing up, not knowing the cause of my leaking and this causes me to do some major self reflecting. In the end I felt like the reason I’m sad is because I don’t feel like I’m worth anyone’s time. Everyone seems to be doing their own thing, and I don’t feel like I have anyone there in the intimate level that makes me feel like I’m worth their time. I want someone to give my the attention that I crave; so here’s my next point. I don’t feel like I got the attention that I deserved for the night. The amount of time and effort I put into my appearance, and the what I was wearing. I admitted to myself that I looked rather good, but I don’t feel like I got the attention that was able to make me feel like my effort was worth while.

In the end, it’s comes down to me still being single. Not having anyone there to make me feel special and worth being around for. I’m tired of working my ass of to try to get attention from people, I want to be able to be myself with minimal effort and still be able to have someone letting me know I’m beautiful. I want to someday be able to go around and not worry about trying to seduce people into giving attention. Because when I have someone there, I won’t crave it the same way I do now.

Five years later, and I’m still depressed over the same thing. The past me would have thought I would have settled down by now, but things aren’t that easy.