Uh oh…

so much for seeing how long i can go veg for. i lasted a day and a half, funny cause the whole time i never craved meat at all. i totally failed today at lunch, i wanted some pasta from the caf, so i pointed at the yummy looking ones to the caf lady. she started filling the little cup with the pasta, that’s when i noted there was little pieces of beef on it. obviously i can’t say i dont want it anymore, so me being the nice person accepted the pasta, and finished it at lunch. omg! i’m so stupid. then i ate a ham and swiss sandwich for supper at the hospital and when i got home my brother fed me meat balls! those dick heads! they fed it to me and then started dancing around saying i ate meat! i’m so mad. but i also found out that my mom is all for me ‘trying’ to go veg. wel if i last of course. so i’m going to try again, though this time i’m not going to set my self a death sentense goal. i’m just going to try to adjust to it slowly and just try not thinking about meat. it’s not that hard, i just have to remember. hmmm. i think i should post daily on my journey to vegetarianism. and i have to promise not to go around expressing my idea cause they’ll prob say i can’t do it and judge me on it. so shhhh. keep it on the downlow okay?

i’m really confused. you know the boy i talked about earlier in the blogs with the eraser? well things are going good. and i’m sure that we’re going to the movies this friday, which is good. but something doesnt feel right. there’s a feeling of doubt. maybe not in him, but in me. i’m afraid that something would come out of this. like i mentioned before how i’m afraid of relationships, and that i really don’t want one at the moment, in highschool anyways, i just don’t think that i’m fully into him enough that i would want a relationship with him. dezyrée if you are reading this. shush. i like him, but i don’t have the same lighten up feel as before… uh oh. maybe it’s that i know that he might have a thing for me that i see no challenge anymore? i read that in seventeen once. i’m not sure if that’s my problem. or that i don’t want to dig my self a whole by leading him on, knowing that anything more would not be a good idea. this ‘liking’ thing is complicated. i think i liked it better when i didn’t like anyone. so much easier and less things to think about. i don’t know what i’m going to do. i guess i’ll just see what happens.

i think this is another self discovery moment, learning more about myself. i really like those 🙂

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