physicals.

i strive for perfection way too much. i know that there is no such thing as perfection; that it is different in everyones eyes, i just try to achieve my state of ‘perfection’. i’m talking about the physical stuff. i’m not full happy with the way i am. i feel that there can always be the chance of me upgrading who i am. i look in the mirror thinking about the things that i can change. slimmer thighs, thinner arms, flatter abs, fuller breasts, nicer eyes, symmetrical face. the list goes on and on. some of these things i can achieve eg. excercise. but then there’s some that i cannot natural get. its not like i can take pills that will make my eyes better, excercises that can pump up my boobs. though there are always alternatives, but that would only make less real and natural. knowing that i articially achieving my physical wants though im not saying that i would never get them done. basically all im trying to say is that im not happy with myself. i look in the mirror and see flaws and try to find ways hide them. i know that i shouldnt get so caught up in thinking about my looks, but its hard when media these days try to tell us how to look, and i have permanently stepped into their trap. i won’t ever be truely happy until i finally see what i want to see in the mirror. it doesnt help that i have high expectations with myself either.

i know that i’m going to sound totally shallow, but i want to be the girl that guys sees at the mall and talk amongst themself and be like ‘ oh wow shes pretty cute.’ i dont know why im sharing this. ive been on the other side for so long, seeing attractive guys and complimenting on them and getting caught up in lusting on their looks. i want to be the one getting lust over for my looks, i like lusting over other guys for their looks, but i would like to balance to scale y’know.

i look at really pretty girls on the street and in the hallways and i wish i was like them. to be able to present themselves to easy cause they know they are hot, dont need to think about anything other than to look good and know that other girls are envying them.

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