Obligation.

My blog has too much videos and pictures and no enough writing.

It makes me feel stupid, it makes me feel like that i can only express my words and feelings with pictures of hot guys and products. I want to blog about subjects that actually mean something to me. Basically I want to be deep. I have enough teenage angst in me that I feel that I can sometime come up with worthwhile stuff to talk about, but I just don’t always know how to express it. I’m not good with words. I trip over them when I talk, it’s quite embarrassing. I think I should go to speech class or something.

Should I be worried when I say that I want to go out and learn to hangout with different people and make new friends. Would that be betraying my current friendships? I feel the obligations to put them first in everything because even though I only have a few friends, they are closer than anything else I need. I feel the betrayal when one of my friends hangout with someone else over me, would they feel the same when I do that? I feel a blast of jealousy when my best friends become closer friends with someone else, while our friendship itself is slipping off the edge. It’s like a scale, me on one side and the ‘other’ friend on the other side. As my ability to be best friends with someone lessens, the other side of the scale increases. It’s bound to happen right?

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