Slut.

In every circle of friends there’s a whore – Cute is what we aim for

I admit it, from past experiences, I’ve hooked up with guys when I’m drunk. This has happened three times, that may not be a big number but I haven’t drank that much so the ratio is pretty significant. My friend told me that lyrics above, obviously referring to me. At first I was offended, but she is right. The only time I’ve had any type of interaction with a guy is when I’m drunk. I’m a slut when I’m drunk. It’s sad to think that the only time that I can get a guy is when I’m drunk.

I can’t say I don’t like it. I’ve only kissed the guys, and kissing is nice. When my regular life is so dull and affection-less, it’s nice to just kiss someone. This sounds really bad, kissing strangers is nice?

May 16th 2008 – my first kiss happened with a good friend. Bad idea.
May 24th 2008 – second kiss happened while drunk again, with a stranger, which I had to end up seeing for the rest of the school year has he went to my school. Awkward.
January 31st 2010 – third kiss with a guy I was dancing with at the club, didn’t know his name, never going to see him again.

These are mistakes made by the impairment of alcohol, but at the same time, maybe I could’ve stopped it while it was happening. There must have been some train of thought going through my head while it was happening where my morals spoke out. I’m sure there was, but I just tell myself, this isn’t that bad. Just having someone there, maybe there is no connection, but just the physical interaction. Is this how people feel when they are addicted to sex? I personally can’t tell seeing as I’m a virgin. Am I really a slut? I can see where my friends were coming from when she referred to me as the whore of the group. They haven’t really done what I’ve done with hooking up with guys when they get drunk. And the only people they kiss or have physical affections for are the guys that they are with. But then there’s me, am I easy?

I can tell myself to not hook up with guys when I’m drunk, but what would that help? Yeah it’s weird to think back at it later on, but it’s not all bad. Kissing is nice. So what is wrong with me? Will this continue as the only time I can get a guy is when I’m drunk? Because that would be pretty sad. If I decide to not hook up with guys anymore when I’m drunk, I’m not sure if I can live with such a long time with no minor physical affection. Seeing as it doesn’t seem as I will getting anything real in a long while, why not enjoy the ones that won’t matter. What’s the worse that can happen?

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One response to “Slut.

  1. Pingback: I got better. « Freshly Squeezed from Inside Out.

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