Plain Jane.

I just realized what I am. I’m a plain jane. Urban Dictionary discribes one as: Ordinary, average female, moderately attractive but mentally stable. I have always wondered what I am, not in a judging stereotype kind of way, but look wise, what am I? I’m not a bombshell, I’m no babe, I’m no stunner, I’m not hideous, not totally ugly. I’m always just average, mediocre, boring in the face or body. And it doesn’t help that I always feel that I’m over shadowed by the people I’m around. One who is equipped with huge boobs, one that has a totally fit body, that I would die to get and one that has the whole package when it comes to the desirable bumps (boobs and butt) When it comes to the point where they are always the ones that get checked out instead of me, I do get a little jealous. I like flattering from time to time. When I’m around them, I feel belittled. When we walk by guys, it seems like I’m the following shadow while they are shining bright.

I’m the one girl that people look at and look away. Having me just slowly but surely easing out of their memory. There is nothing about me that pops, I’m just part of the crowd. It’s sad that the only time that I do feel good is when I have loads of makeup on. I don’t feel that my face is disfigured and that is when I actually carry myself with confident, that is the only time that I feel that maybe I’m a little more than just a 5. Possibly a 6. But then, even though I feel good about my appearance, later I see pictures of myself. (Note that it is usually special events that I use lots of make up). You know those pictures where you are not looking at the camera, where one is not pulling off their ‘angle’, I feel back in the dumps. Because it doesn’t matter how good you look in pictures when you are smiling and posing, you are as real as you are in normal pictures of you. Because that represents how you looked to everyone else, nobody pulls a picture perfect face at every waking second.

That is the reason I hate getting video taped, because that is the real me. That is me, where my face is too round when I don’t smile, when my lower lip does the lazy hanging thing when I’m not smiling, the thing where my arms are awkwardly at my side while my back slouches. By being disgusted from seeing how I look on camera, I can only wonder what others are thinking when they see me. Of course that may be reflected on how successful I am with guys.

I just wonder when this plain jane image will be replaced with something less boring.

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