Hopeless.

What good is a talent, when it’s the only thing you are good at?

I’m good at art, I think I’m better than the average person. Not trying to sound full of myself at all.

I chose to go into the world of architecture because I have a passion for the subject. And it just so happens that it is the only career from university where I can apply my talent. Last week I was wondering what other programs I can apply into if I don’t get into architecture, for a back up you know? I realized that there was nothing else that I am capable of doing.

I checked out civil engineering because I thought it might be cool, related to architecture, on a greater scale. Too bad I didn’t have my grade 12 chemistry credit. It comes to my surprise that all engineering programs need 4Uchemistry to get in. There goes my dreams of maybe being an engineer.

I don’t even have to think about Sciences, the only science that I took full on in highschool was physics. No biology at all, and only grade 11 chem. That means I cannot go into sciences, not that I want to. I’m not too good with the body, nor do I have any interest in it.

The there’s the arts. You know, humanities and stuff. Stuff where you have to read and read and read? I’m in an art history program right now. And I hate it. I need studio time, I need to be hands on. I can’t do this. I’m a failure, as I was the only one out of my friends that were not able to get into their dream program. I failed. I suck.

This is why I feel so useless. I’m not university material. I said it. I swear I would coast through college with no problem, but I know I can do better. But why do I feel so out of place here? Architecture, is the only program I know of in university that incorporates both theory and technique. Why must I decide on a career that is so fucking competitive and hard?

I should just drop out and attend college, I’m sure my parents would love that.

People always praise me about my artistic talent, but what good is it, if it’s the only thing I’ve got. That it’s never going to help me in university, the place I’m going to be for atleast the next half decade. Fuck me.

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One response to “Hopeless.

  1. Go with your dreams. If you have to struggle through something to make your parents proud, I fully support you, because your dreams may come out of nowhere as a result of it.

    Every struggle you face for the next five years has potential to create the ideal “you” that you desire to be. When you come out of those struggles, strong and secure with your abilities, maybe you won’t know anything more about architecture or be any smarter (book-wise), buttt you’ll be strong and secure, with direction and determination.

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