I got better.

Oh how much has changed in one single year. To fully understand the contrast please refer to: Slut

I’m no longer the ‘slut’ I don’t know what I am anymore. In a way when you look at my numbers since that post it has gone up. Then when you look at me currently, I’m anything but. Here’s the story.

When that post was writting, I have only kissed 3 boys. Then I thought it was a big number, and that it made me slutty. Since then, the numbers started going up. In May I had my first sober kiss. It was spontaneous and I don’t think I liked it that much. I met the boy on a sunny Friday afternoon in May, then we ended up making out in his basement. It was short, but I had to stop it. It didn’t feel right. Needless to say, never spoke to him ever again, even though he lives down the street from me. After that I made out with someone I met on our girls night out to Niagara falls in July, drunk of course. After that had a party in August and ended out making out with a school friend, weird, drunk. Then two days after that, I had my second official sober makeout. I mentioned this before, I enjoyed it seeing as it was with someone that I liked a lot back in grade 10, and I’ve had a crush on him ever since. Then the weekend after that, gone to second base for the first time with a guy I’ve had my eyes set on when we met two days earlier. After hearing that he thought I hot, I made it my mission. Success. In the course of 4 months, 5 guys.

Then univeristy started, I decided that I don’t want to do that anymore, that I want to meet people before making out with them. I would say I’m doing a very good job compared to before. Kissed a boy briefly during frosh drunk, I got up, tucked him into bed and left. Then I guess I made out with a guy when I was super smashed at a club, I don’t really count that, I have no recollection and I have nothing to say to that. Kissed a boy goodbye at a keggar last month. Not bad, considering as there was several occasion where I could have. I’ve gone out of my way to say no; like pretending to fall over/passout when some guy wanted to kiss me; said no repeatedly to a guy at Greek Olympics, and only kissed him goodbye at the end. I would put my hand up to my mouth when ever he tried, turns out he was an alumni for tke.

I don’t want to be a bitch and say that have standards, but I do. Would I kiss you if I was sober? People tell me that’s half the fun, when you’re so drunk, it doesn’t matter. But I don’t want to have the recollection of sucking face with someone I would not want to if I was sober. I also really want a kiss from someone I like, that’s the one thing I want. Even better sober, to know what it actually feels like. Am I really asking too much?

I’ve got a lot of self control now, and I have more moral respect.

And I like it.

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One response to “I got better.

  1. kissing sober, is one of my favorites. They tend too happen, usually after a good date, maybe a dinner and some walking. eyes lock for a moment, and we go in for it. or even better, is the sporadic kiss, where, by no real understandable circumstances, you meet someone, and theres an immediate connection, and for whatever reason, after a time, one feels inspired too kiss someone else. beautiful stuff. i like this entry, it feels genuine, and desire-filled. maybe i have a weird set if eyes hahah.

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