Okay so let’s analyze myself as a person.
I like being someone that is fun, energetic and I guess sometimes slight immature. That’s just the way I am. When you meet me, I’d have the biggest smile on my face. I try to live in my youth. I can be dramatic with my actions, not the bitchy kind just I might take my happy to an extreme. I’m rarely a bitch, I might be sarcastic at times. I’m always looking for ways to entertain myself. I like peaking into people’s rooms that I know and just asking what’s up, and will want to chill out. I ask them about their day, how they are, what they are doing. Kind of random.
But sometimes I feel that I can come off as being annoying with my overly energetic personality. Sometimes I don’t know when to stop. I can keep on going with this little girl at of asking question or being involved and I can piss people off. It’s happened before, and then I would feel so bad. Of course I learn from everytime that happens, that I can’t go that far with that certain annoyingness.
I’m a rez bum, I go to my friend’s rez building a lot just to hang out. I live off campus so he said that I can call it my second home of I wanted to. I would love to take up that offer, but at the same time I feel like a bother sometimes. I feel like a charity case that has no home. He knows how much I want a rez life, and how I’ve never got the chance to have one and he’s here for me. I’m so grateful but I feel like such a hassle. He says I’m like a little sister to him, and I feel like one. He’s always there to take care of me when I’m drunk, or let’s me eat his food when I’m hungry, let me crash when I have no where to go. I feel like a child that has to be taken care of.
My friends say that these aren’t qualities that I should dislike, that it’s because I’m the way I am that they love me. Yes but this can only last for so long. I cannot act like this in 5 years can I? 10 years? What will I have to be then? I don’t know anything different, this is the one way I can act as if I was fun and for people to like me as a person.
How does one mature? Because obviously I haven’t for the past decade, I’m still the same mentally, sexually physical child that I was years ago.