It happened last month. I did it. I didn’t regret it.

I was drunk, please don’t judge. Yes I made a point in saying that it will not happen drunk, but the time came and it just felt… right. I know it’s naive to think that, that I could get emotionally and physically hurt after, but I just had a feeling. The whole time, he asked me, ‘Why me?’ and I couldn’t give him an answer. I don’t know why I chose him. I think it was just an act of the moment, the right time, the right place.

I met him four years ago, thought he was cute. I always have. We went to different schools and hung out with different crowds, so I never gave it a thought. Not that I’m giving a thought about it now. Then that night came and we saw each other. We know who each other are, and seeing that I’ve always been physically attracted to him, my flirting reflex kicked in and I got what I want. I didn’t think that it would go that far, it was only earlier that week that I did something more with a guy that I haven’t done before. My friends warned me afterwards that I have to calm down cause next time, I might do more. I ensured her that I won’t but then this happened.

She texted me that morning, asking if I did anything I regreted, I said no. She took that as a good sign that I didn’t do it. But then I sent her another message, ‘I didn’t regret it.’ I think she was disappointed in me, she worried about me. I can understand why, this came out of no where. I didn’t come home to reading break thinking that I would lose my virginity. Especially back home, I’m back here maybe 4 times during the school year now, what are the odds.

I still don’t regret it. Somehow afterwards it kind of changed my way of seeing things. Not that I ‘matured’ over this experience but I kind of feel… wiser. I now know what people are talking about and I don’t feel embarrassed or childish about the subject. Because this was something that was eventually going to happen.

We still talk. The morning after was not weird. We hung out. No we did not act like nothing happened, we were mature and talked about it when it was brought up. I told him that I didn’t regret it and he was relieved. If he was to leave in the morning without saying goodbye, I would have felt bitter about it, but he didn’t. He stucked around.

What’s going to happen now? I don’t know, it would be childish to think that something big is going to come out of this. It would be unrealistic. Do I like him? No, I don’t know him enough to. He’ll just always be my first. Then again, we’ve been talking about hanging out again when I’m home, this could be a friendship (with benefits?)

Please don’t judge me.


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