I am Strong. The unknown future will not determine my happiness.
First year of university is done. My first year of adulthood is over. I keep getting these hit of reality ever to often, making me realise that I’m no longer a child and everything that has happened in the past year has been amazing.
After experiencing everything, I really won’t change a thing. I did not get into my dream school for a reason, so I can go here. I did not get into the program I applied to here, so I can meet the people I have met that has changed my life. There were so many factors that would changed how I would have turned out at the end of this year. I’m glad for all the decision I have made. Yes I have not made very good ones from time to time, but it helped me reflect on myself and questioned why I did it. I learned to open myself more, to be more social, something that I craved this time last year. I was able to let people in, into my life, thoughts and problems. I learned that I cannot hide myself anymore, and I have to reach out. I cannot live on a safety net because I don’t want to get hurt. Yes it makes me vulnerable, but that’s life. I have taken more initiative to be with people, I can now make plans with people, and not be so awkward. I’m still the same person, but I have grown so much as a person.
Do I regret everything that didn’t happen last May? Getting rejected. No. Because this year happened. This year has been such a stepping stone in my life. It was the transitional point that I will always be grateful for.
Everything does happen for a reason; if it were any different, I don’t know how my life would alter. It could be better, it could be worse, but where I am right now is just right.
Last night I had a dream that I opened the door and walked into the guy I like and some girl getting it on.
I walked out of the room embarrassed, but that soon turned into anger and sadness. I was angry that he would do that with me in the next room. Even though I know we have not established anything, I know he has some kind of feelings back. I was upset because well… the guy I liked was getting it on with some girl.
He came in next door and blamed me that I walked in on them, and felt no remorse. That’s when I got mad and the thoughts of going home and becoming a total slut came into my head. Thinking that ‘I can do that too!’
Thank goodness it was a dream.