I feel that I can never win in this quest to find someone that cares for me the same as I care for them. I always feel like I’m the person trying to put effort into things, make myself feel vulnerable. I don’t know if it’s because I’m used to guys being the ones to talk to me, and me ignoring it, that I feel that even when it comes to someone who I’m interested in they should be the one making the effort, and I’ll be the one returning it. I don’t like always having to reach out to show that I want to be with the person. I feel dumb. Is it so hard to understand that I want the person to meet me half way?

There’s this guy. I met him a month ago. I stopped seeing this other guy just so I can pursue this guy. Even though there has been no establishment of exclusivity between me and anyone, I still feel that I should respect the guy and not treat anyone like one of many wheels. Now that the back story is cleared up. I have grown to like this guy, we talk, hangout and get intimate but I feel like majority of the time I’m the one that has to text the guy up first to see what’s up. Thing is, he doesn’t always reply or acknowledge that I said anything. At this point he sounds like a douchebag, I know. I’ve expressed this issue to him and he says that he doesn’t always keep his phone with him, or that his phone died. I’m understanding and realize that not everyone keeps their phone when them 24/7 and it doesn’t help that I’m the type of person that just texts people frequently on a regular basis. 

The current blow to my pride is that we have planned that we are going to hang out tonight, because last night didn’t happen because of his work. We planned that we are going to spend all night together and have a sleep over after I get off work tonight. We slightly talked about it today, and I said I’m going to talk to him after I get off. So as you can guess it, he’s no where to be found or to be reached. Texting obviously doesn’t work, and facebook is a no go. The art of communication is to keep these doors open, but obviously the priority of it is not the same for him. The fact that I told him that I was going to contact him tonight after work and him not being there to confirm angers me. I feel stood up. Yes I’m not embarrassingly sitting in public by myself but his action still hindered my pride.

I just want the kid to realize that he’s making me feel silly and insignificant. I don’t like waiting around for him to make a move. I want him to show me that he likes me in more than just words. 


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