So I’m not allowed to go?

I come home at around 6:30 and askes my dad when supper was going to be. He replies that it’s not done, and I ask when it will be. I replies ferociously and I explain so I can see when I can go to the gym afterwards. He says that I must wait an hour so in my head I calculate that I will go at around 9 and come home around 11. Not wanting to go to the gym so late, I suggest that I go now, before supper. He says that he can’t drive me as he’s cooking, in the meantime, he is getting angrier and angrier by the second. I suggest that I walk seeing as it is not a far walk. He spazzes and says that I shouldn’t even come home, and I agree and went down stairs to pack my stuff to head off to the gym.

He comes down after me and yells at me and starts saying how I never informed him that I was going to the gym tonight. Never in the past months that he’s been here had I need to inform him, I go when I have time and he would drive me. I just stare at him. Huge argument arose. He started bringing up things that didn’t even make sense in the situation of our discussion and kept on going how I never do what I’m suppose to, and that I never tell him ahead of time for anything (this I understand) and how he always gives me the best of anything (?? How did this have anything to do with me wanting to go to the gym??) All that was running through my head was the fact that he’s not letting me walk to the gym, it’s a 20 min walk, which will add to my overall work out. I don’t live in a remotely dangerous city so I don’t understand what was going on. He complains that he has to make food for me. The fact is, I usually barely eat what he cooks, three bites of rice and a bit of everything else. I finish within 5 mins of the meal. He tells me that I still have to wait an hour. He spends the next 10 mins talking to me about caring for me and how I won’t die if I don’t go to the gym for a day. Well he’s the one that makes fun of my weight. He was the one that laughed at me last week when I showed him the results that I’m proud of.

My father is a bullshitter of all levels. You buy me the best, but you never treat anyone around you the best. So don’t tell me about trying to give me the best when all you’re doing is trying to buy a relationship from me to cover up your anger issues.

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Father.

People with anger issues should not be allowed to start a family and I mean this with the whole of my heart. It is not fair for the spouse and the children to be living with such bipolar being. I understand that this may be a great parent, husband or wife, but when it comes time that the uncontrollable anger strikes, all hell has let loose. Feelings are hurt and the sense of fear is embedded in the family. One must watch what they do along with what they say to live day by day in avoidance to be yelled at.

I’m saying this through experience of having a father that family members have feared ever since he was born. I’ve always been afraid of him, everytime I see him, or talk to him on the phone, I hope to god he didn’t find another reason to yell at me. He’s one of those fathers that takes a little problem, and stretches it to a mile long road. I’m trying to get use to this, and go around these obstacles ever since I started to live with him a few months ago. I avoid talking to him as much as possible, and even when I do, they are things that I have thought over and know that nothing nasty will come out of it. I don’t even question him with he pulls nonsense bullshit about history and such out cause I know he would argue back and WWIII would start.

But what happened a little less than an hour ago was the last straw. I have never yelled back at my father before, it was a weird feeling. Maybe it was because I was crying too and he didn’t seem to care that I was hurt. There was miscommunications between me, him and my mum. It was about directions and streets. After a while of frustration and him hitting the screwdriver off the paint can, I suggested that I show him a map. After walking out frustrated when being shot down, I looked it up on google map, he yelled at me for not knowing what the street name was called. I understand that I get yelled at if I was being stubborn on false information, but when I simply did not know something, I shouldn’t get yelled at. Arguing turned into tears and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve never cried so hard. I’ve seen everyone in my family cry over him, and now i get it. Don’t get me wrong, I love him as a father, I just hate living with him.

Family members of the individual with this kind of problem can never be truly happy. A stubborn person will never share the spotlight with anyone else, he must always be on the top. Tears and heartbreak will always be the result.

I know you are my only father, but I blame you for some of the anger and sadness in my life.

Go ahead, yell at me for everything single thing I do, you’ll regret it in the future.